Monsters

We are an offbeat family.

So far, Emelia has only about ten stuffed animals and half of them are monsters. Before she was born, I got her the alien and the Loch Ness Monster because they were cute and unconventional. I meant nothing by them. I just liked them. It wasn't until Aaron's cousin Jeff got involved that the monster thing took on meaning.

Jeff decided that Emelia should learn to embrace monsters rather than be afraid of them, so he got her a C'Thulhu puppet and a C'Thulhu Christmas tree ornament (not pictured, but it has a Santa hat and golden balls on its tentacles). I've never read any H.P. Lovecraft, but I'm told that C'Thulhu is basically the most evil of all monsters that ever were and ever will be. But he makes a cute stuffed animal.

My sister Susie then got into the game by getting her a monster toy, as well. She thought Jeff was right on the money. The monster she got has eyes that pop out, and you can open his mouth, torso and head and pull stuffed pieces out. He has a brain and a bat in his belfry; a frog in his throat; a foot in his mouth; a stomach and a heart; and a toe that comes off. It sounds strange and gross, but it's really completely non-offensive and kinda funny. I actually think Emelia will love it when she gets old enough to actually notice it.

My mother didn't know she was contributing to a trend, but she provided the coup de grace with a spider baby toy. I know it's not exactly a monster, but it's something that people are usually afraid of, so I count it among the monsters.

So Emelia's monster collection is well underway, and she sure looks cute surrounded by them. I'm sure some or all of them will be her friends as she grows up, but who knows if they'll keep her from being afraid of scary things. I can't imagine there are many babies out there with monster collections. I've decided, though, that the C'Thulhu puppet will make a good constant to show her growth, so expect to see more of him in the future.

With us as parents, the poor kid was sure to be a little unusual. This is certainly only the beginning . . . .

A Wish for Emelia

One of my wishes for my daughter and my four nieces is that they escape the pressure to be perfect that seems to be bearing down on girls these days. I guess the pressure has been bearing down since the dawn of feminism. Women are expected to be perfectly independent, smart, pretty, feminine, strong, and sexy people-pleasers, nurturers, bacon-winners, homemakers, and vixens. We're expected to shatter the gender barriers by doing it all, being all things to everyone. And we often feel (or are made to feel) inadequate and ashamed when we don't live up to it.

My wish for Emelia to escape this pressure currently manifests itself in an aversion to princesses and overtly girly things. Since before Emelia's birth, my plea to anyone who would listen has been "No princesses. No ruffles. No lace. No girly girl stuff." I will not discourage her if she chooses these things when she's old enough to do so, but I can't bring myself to go there before she chooses it. I realize these things are basically innocuous, but they stand for something that worries me. I'm afraid of her feeling pigeon-holed by the more radical commercial and societal definitions of gender and femininity. I don't want her to dislike things about herself or to force herself to be things she's not just to fit into the stereotype of what a woman should be. My fears are much like those of the author the article "What's Wrong with Cinderella" from the NY Times Magazine. This article prompted this post, but not my thoughts on this matter.

All this said, I realize that role models and parents probably have more to do with a girl's reaction to these pressures and stereotypes than the marketplace does. My daughter and nieces have strong role models in mothers, aunts, grandmothers and family friends who have made all kinds of different choices, but who are interesting, independent, strong, smart and beautiful women. Most have chosen pieces of the stereotype to accept or reject, and many of us have gotten over the pressure to be what society tells us to be and have just decided to be ourselves. That's all I wish for Emelia and my nieces. To just be happy with who they are and to make choices that are right for them, rather than what they think they are expected to choose based on societal pressure and gender stereotypes.

The good news is that, as I watch my nieces grow and become their own people, I realize that I probably don't have that much to worry about for Emelia. Acacia, my oldest niece, is ten going on twenty. She's a self-professed mother hen to her siblings and mother, and she seems to see the stereotypes for what they are. She likes dressing up and looking sophisticated, but she's already got her own sense of style that doesn't always conform to standards. Think Andie in "Pretty in Pink" or Rory in "The Gilmore Girls."

Branwyn, the next eldest (pictured here with Emelia) is eight and about as sassy and independent as can be. She does her own thing, whether that's play with dolls or go snowboarding. I'm not even sure she's aware of the stereotypes yet, but I suspect that, if she is, she doesn't care about them (and, if she isn't, she won't care about them when she becomes aware of them). She strikes me as being on her way to becoming a Lara Croft (Tomb Raider).

Lauren is four and too young to be aware of the stereotypes, but I suspect she'll embrace or reject what she chooses, when the time comes. She's not going to let anyone tell her what to do or what she should be. She's sassy and funny and pretty aware of her own charm and good looks. She's an imp in an angel costume, and, for this reason, I see her as working her way toward being something like one of the modern Charlie's Angels. Probably the Cameron Diaz character, since she's such a ham.

And finally, there's Leynie. The youngest at three. She's a tomboy who loves to wear dresses, and she loves the princesses, but she doesn't seem to be internalizing any of the pressure or negative stereotypes that I fear the princesses inspire. She's fearless and good natured, and she'll try anything. She runs like a gazelle and laughs like a hyena. She's intrepid. She's Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

I hope they all continue to be utterly who they are, and I really look forward to knowing the women they become. I hope adolescence isn't too hard on any of them . . . .

By the way, I recognize the contradiction of using pop culture references to describe my nieces in a post that's expressing concern about pop culture and commercialization. I was (and continue to be) exposed to pop culture. I'm not anti-pop-culture, just concerned that the young girls I love not become wrapped up in it to the point where they lose themselves.

Christmas in Connecticut

I've been negligent for more than two weeks this time! Sorry about that. The thing is, I haven't really found anything interesting to write about. Emelia is a joy to be with, but she's doing the things babies are supposed to do, which just doesn't give me much fodder for blog posts. I guess I'm just not very creative. Aaron also beat me to posting about how hard it was to put Emelia down awake, rather than holding her until she fell asleep.

We are now in Connecticut spending a week with my family. My parents and only sibling (sister Susie) live in southeastern Connecticut, where I grew up, and we spend our Christmases with them. Aaron's family is Jewish, so Christmas just isn't as important to them as to my family.

We always have a great time in Connecticut, and we are fortunate that this year my sister's kids Callumn, Acacia, and Branwyn are here for their holiday vacation, rather than in Maine with their dad. Alas, we don't see them nearly enough. We don't see any of our nieces and nephews nearly enough. They all keep growing and maturing, and we miss SO much of it!!

Emelia is having a great time being held and cuddled by her cousins, all of whom adore her. Callumn and Acacia (Cassie) are ten year old twins, and they both love babies. Branwyn is eight, and she likes Emelia, too, but she's not quite as enthusiastic about holding her. All three are great with Emelia, as they've been practicing with their one year old sister (their Dad's new daughter), Madeline.

Because she's having such a good time, however, Emelia is getting a tad overstimulated. She's not sleeping as much as she does at home, and we're having a bit of trouble getting her to go down at night. Once she's down, though, she's been really easy the rest of the night. She's not sleeping through (four hours, tops), but she'll wake and nurse for only a few minutes before going right back to sleep. This is making life much easier for me!

I've posted a few new pictures of Emelia, as well. Enjoy!

Emelia at One Month

Sorry I've been incommunicado for more than a week! We hosted our annual holiday beer tasting party on Friday, and I spent most of my "free" time last week preparing. That all is fodder for another post. I hear the party was fun, though. I spent most of it in the nursery trying to get an overstimulated baby to sleep. Now I need to find a way to tell my father in law that he was right without losing face . . . . Again, another post.

What I wanted to do in this post is to provide an update on Emelia's first month. She was one month last Thursday, December 7. Time flies! Here's the scoop:

1. She has, of course, grown. She just started wearing 3-6 month clothes because she was too long for most of the 0-3 month things we have. We haven't weighed or measured her lately, though.
2. She's smiling. We've tried to get pictures, but haven't been successful. You can ask her grandparents and Goldschmidt aunts, uncles, and cousins about the smile, too, 'cause they'll back us up. We're all convinced that she's been doing real smiles for at least a couple weeks now.
3. She seem to be a fairly easy, good natured baby. When she's awake, which is more of the time these days, she often just looks around or looks at us and smiles. This, of course, is when she's not overstimulated, which has happened a couple of times. Then she cries.
4. She loves to be held, and would prefer to spend as much of the day as possible in someone's arms. Unfortunately, I seem to be the only one who can sit down while holding her. Everyone else seems to need to move around to keep her satisfied. When she's not being held, she'll usually be content in the swing.
   
5. Yesterday, she turned her head to look at Aaron when he spoke, which we found pretty exciting. She was between us on the bed, and she was looking mostly at me, but when Aaron began speaking to her, she turned her head and looked at him. Then she turned her head back and forth when we were each speaking. It was neat.
   
6. Speaking of turning her head, she has amazing head control and upper body strength. She has since she was born. She can turn her head and look around with little support. I'm convinced it's because she "dropped" about eight weeks before she was born, so she had to support her whole body on her head and shoulders. It's a theory.
7. She loves her hands and she loves to suck. We're pretty sure she's going to be a thumb sucker, but she hasn't found her thumbs yet. She sucks her whole hand, instead. She'll sometimes take a pacifier, and she has a great suck for nursing.
8. She sleeps 3-5 hours at a time, most of the time. None of the 5 hour stretches have been at night, but we have had an occasional 4 hour stretch.
9. Aaron and I are doing well. I do most of the nighttime stuff, since Aaron's working, and I would have to be up, anyway. I'm so happy still that I'm not having too much trouble with the lack of sleep.
10. Emelia is still the most beautiful baby either Aaron or I has ever seen, and others sometimes agree with us!

I think that's Emelia in a nutshell. She's lovely and amazing, and I'm already having a little anxiety about the thought of going back to work in two months. I know I'll be leaving her in capable hands (Aaron's) for three months, but I'm just so in love with my daughter that I can barely stand to be in a different room from her, let alone be somewhere she's not for a whole day! I assure you, however, that my neuroses have not yet manifested themselves in overprotectiveness . . . I encourage others to hold her, and I do move freely about the house without her. I might even be willing at some point to leave her in Aaron's care when I leave the house, but that remains to be seen. I just wanted to let you all know that I'm not smothering her. I'm just completely smitten.

Mobility?

Is there an easier way?

I haven't yet figured out how new parents ever leave the house. You have a limited amount of time between feedings in which to fit outings, so you have to be quick, but it's impossible to BE quick when you have to prepare the baby and gather and do the multitude of THINGS necessary to step outside with a baby.

Take this morning. Aaron left the House early, so walking the dogs was up to me. I had to get Emelia appropriately bundled to go outside on a slightly damp and chilly morning. That went fine. Then there was the issue of how to get two leashed dogs, a 23 pound stroller, and Emelia outside all at once. It took some maneuvering and a couple of trips, but I managed that, as well. By this time, we were already ten minutes into the process, and we hadn't actually gone anywhere. The ENTIRE process for a dog walk USED to take about ten minutes!

This was my first outing on my own with the dogs and the stroller. I think it was probably entertaining to watch. The stroller was weaving all over the sidewalk because I'm not used to steering it with one hand and holding the dogs' leashes in the other. The dogs don't know how to walk with the stroller, either, so they kept getting bumped. Nora finally got frustrated and walked as far away from the stroller as she could with the leash. Junebug managed better by just staying at my side, but none of us were comfortable with the situation.

We got through the walk and made it back into the house fairly uneventfully, but it took a REALLY long time. Given the other outings I've done this week, this is a definite trend. Going anywhere, with or without the dogs or the stroller, is a production. It's almost daunting enough to keep me from ever leaving the house again! There has to be an easier way!

Nursing in Public

Being a new mom who is trying to exclusively breastfeed for as long as possible (is 6-12 months too ambitious?), I've found it interesting to follow the recent controversy surrounding public breastfeeding. Naturally, I'm processing it all through the lens of my own thoughts and experiences.

I haven't had to do much public breastfeeding yet, but I was flying (and breastfeeding) the day of the airport nurse-ins, though I was unaware of the nurse-ins at the time. I was aware of the general issue, of course, which has made it more difficult for me to consider nursing in public. I'm not shy, and I don't have any personal problems with feeding my child whenever she wants wherever I happen to be. What I AM, however, is hyper-sensitive to others, which means I hate the thought of making others uncomfortable. As a result, when I was traveling I was trying to be discreet. This meant covering Emelia (and my breast) while she was nursing. It also drove me to nurse in a smelly bathroom rather than in the crowded waiting area at the gate our flight was leaving from. Ugh.

Emelia and I are both new to this nursing thing. Leaving aside the problem of putting a cloth over a baby's face, nursing blind meant a great deal of frustration to both of us because she repeatedly came unlatched and both of us needed me to be able to see her in order to get her back on. Being discreet and keeping covered made it take longer, which meant that Emelia screamed more than she needed to. This made both of us miserable, and probably didn't help the moods of our fellow travelers, either. So which is worse -- the possibility of seeing some breast while a baby is nursing or the screaming of a frustrated baby that can't be nursed properly?

I'm not going to go any further into the issue, since there's plenty of information out there on both sides of it, and I'm not going to add anything new. I'm STRONGLY in the pro-public-breastfeeding camp, and, after my experience, I'm much more inclined to let discretion be damned in favor of pragmatism and expedience than I was just a week ago. It's hard enough trying to get anything done with a baby in tow without adding to it just because some people can't handle the sight of a breast being used the way it's SUPPOSED to be used.

That said, I refrained from whipping it out on my walk home from the grocery store yesterday, despite the fact that Emelia was screaming. I may have adjusted my thinking a bit, but it might take me some time for my actions to catch up. After all, what would the neighbors think?

Baby Swing

I have friends and family who swear that a swing is the only way to calm a cranky baby. It even became a joke over Thanksgiving because one of my sisters in law kept mentioning over and over that I might want to consider getting a side to side swing. I got a REALLY old front and back swing as a hand-me-down, and I wanted to try it out before giving in and buying something ELSE new (or letting someone get one for a gift -- I'm all for recycling, after all). I kept assuring Rebecca that I was taken care of in the swing department, at least until I tried the hand-me-down.

Well, I've tried the hand-me-down, and I'm a baby swing convert. So far, Emelia doesn't seem to mind that it only goes back and forth. It calms her in a way that I -- much to my regret -- cannot (unless she's hungry). As a result, she's spending a fair amount of time in the swing instead of in my arms. I'm glad there's a way to calm her (and rest assured that I do try to calm her myself before resorting to the swing), but I feel a little inadequate that the sheer presence of my body and my soothing voice and movements can't compete with an ugly, battery-operated contraption. *sigh*